The Athletic is BACK! We treasure your support and appreciate your patience as we practice shipping orders straight from our house to yours.

104: Endless Summer: Cock Everywhere.



Stop. Hold the presses. Just received the new issue of Road Magazine and I certainly didn't catch it the first time through. But I may have missed it because I read the whole issue in 27 seconds.

However, when I turned to an actual news source. You know, one that matters and has interesting thoughts and articles in it. Only then was clued in. And it was only through this re-visitation process that I could finally get down the heart of the Road matter.

The best part is that this advertisement is awesome on many, many levels.

Level 1:
Lets take it from a wide shot. What do you see here? Team unity? Didn't think so. As team Astana reforms and starts its push to take over the world this is a telling ad. Contador riding outside the group clearly states "I'm not a part of this team" and at the same time says "We didn't think you were." So there's that.

Also Note: See on the left there. There's something about Rory Sutherland. No Way. I don't believe it, Road talking to Rory Sutherland. Which issue is this again? I get so confused.

Level 2:
Dig a little deeper and what do you get? Carrot and Onions? Meat and Two Veg? Cock and Balls? I don't care what you call it, its there. Shout outs go to Road Magazine! Nice! Your advertising editor rules! Neil Browne! (who is awesome! just ask him) and Graham Watson! Way to slip it in there buddy. (I'm full aware that is misuse of the "!" fyi). How much better can you get than that? Nudity in a cycling magazine has come to this.

Laugh about that for a minute or two, because I'll keep going.

Level 3:
I'm starting to lose some respect for Mr. Leipheimer. And no it wasn't because of his high pitched whine of a voice. It started with his Road I.D. (Snoozefest) and then was confirmed with this little statement. "I don't drink coffee." Sorry duder, you're out. Of pro cycling and my friendship. Maybe what he needs for his voice modulation problem is a little touch of the Black Gold and it disappoints me on another level because what I'm hearing from this is..."EPO is Ok, but coffee hurts me tummy." Sigh.

Level 0:
Need I say more? Rivendell? I'm sure the guy in the photo is nice. But he's wearing a Rivendell hat. I love it. Sheldon just turned over in his grave. "Rivendell in Road? Huff huff huff grumble."

Thanks goes out to Stevil Kinevil.
Amazingness Prevails!!!
Previous Article Next Article
Sign up for our newsletter
We know how sacred your email inbox is. The Athletic only sends meaningful emails with great journalism and fun announcements.